Being that I’m now in my late 20’s and I’m single, I find myself becoming more aware of the plight of the single
black professional woman. It’s really nothing short of a miracle that up until now I hadn’t felt the full effects of this phenomenon. Allow me to explain what I mean:
There are societal pressures on women that don’t exist for men. When a woman hits like 25-26 her body starts to go through certain ‘changes’ – and I’ll just leave it at that. So, internally there is pressure that we get from our own bodies to do one thing: reproduce! Now, I don’t know how it is in different areas of the country or world, but in the souf where I come from, especially if you’re from a small town like I am, if you’re not married and got at least 2 kids by the time you hit 21 then something must be wrong with you. You’re almost seen as being defective or something.
As if the biological, societal, and even familial pressures aren’t enough. I now find myself having to deal with an unexpected source of duress: my married friends.
I was having a conversation with one of my coworkers the other day. She’s 32, married with 2 kids and from what I can tell is fairly happy with her life. Enter her cousin/best friend. She just turned 30 and is dun dun duuuun single. So she must be banging her head against the wall on a daily wondering where it all fell apart, right? I don’t think so either, but I think my coworker might feel this way. She was telling me how her cousin had a date and how she was super excited and how maybe this would be ‘the one’.
When I tried to explain to my coworker how she was putting unnecessary pressure on her friend by essentially stage-mothering her into this date- in her mind relationship and marriage, my coworker adamantly debated me on how she was not putting pressure on her at all. She even went so far as to say how her cousin’s biological clock must be ticking and how she was trying to look out for her. Ok that is where I drew the line.
Being that she married the man she was with since she was like 18, she really cant relate to her cousin on that level at all. She can’t even begin to know or understand the aforementioned pressures that her cousin feels. But in her attempts to ‘help’ her, she’s only belaboring the problem! You think every time her cousin tells her that she met a guy and she expresses with an air of excitement ‘yay!!! who?!?, whats his name?!?!’…etc. that she doesn’t feel pressure there? That’s where it becomes dangerous. That’s when all the single ladies can start to lax their standards a little too much (not compromise, but throw out altogether).
We get it. We understand that you want us to be happy, because you’re happy (or at least you think you are) with your current state of affairs. So you can’t possibly imagine how we can go on living and playing this game of LIFE alone… We understand our situation, far better than you know. We want marriage- a true partnership. We want to have children- not just cuz we can, but to leave a legacy. But what we don’t want is to settle. We’re willing to compromise (hopefully) but we can’t rush the kind of life we want for ourselves just to make everyone else sleep a little better at night. We appreciate the love, we really do. But please, we beg you, in an effort to ‘support’ us, try to make sure you’re not doing more collateral damage by imposing your ideals and beliefs on us.
Turns out the guy my coworker sub-consciously married her cousin off to is 27, still lives at home with his mother and has never left, and is a self-proclaimed ‘mama’s boy’. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg… Go figure.
Since it’s officially summer (womp!) I guess this would be appropriate, since its cookout season and covered dishes seem to be the thing. This pasta salad is so easy to make that anyone could do it, so no excuses.
- 8 oz box tri-color rotini
- zesty Italian salad dressing (I prefer wishbone)
- 1 cucumber, peeled and diced
- 1 tomato, diced
- salad supreme seasoning
Boil the rotini according to the package and drain. In a bowl combine the pasta, Italian dressing, salad supreme cucumber and tomato and stir until combined. Sprinkle additional seasoning on top. Cover and refrigerate until serving.