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So…I know it’s been a minute.  I know I know I said I was go blog more, blah blah etc. But I didn’t *kanye shrug*.  But no for real I actually write posts alla time…like on a pretty regular basis.  I don’t publish most of what I write though because I don’t think it’s appropriate or I don’t finish the post or I end up not being satisfied with it, etc.  So how about this: I’mma try to actually publish more posts on somekinda consistent basis.  Ok?  Ok.

Now that that’s out the way…

I’ve been wanting to write a post on this subject for a while now, and I’ve even toyed with a few drafts but I never could quite get to what I was looking for…I couldn’t find the voice that I wanted this post to have.  But thanks to a friendly exchange via iMessage (yeah I know, I also sold my soul and copped an iPhone, so…yeah…) I think I just may have it yall:

Mary Jane:  “You know how to make weed brownies?”

ChocolateTY: “Ummmmmmmmmm…..”

“Cuse me?”

“Pourquoi?”

MJ: “Weed.BROWNIES.yo”

CT: “I do possess this knowledge

Don’t judge me

Coat the weed in the dry ingredients real good

Pull it apart with your hands

Don’t cut the weed”

MJ:  ” 😦 😦 😥 😥 😀 😀 ”

I knew you could help! I needs one or two”

So yeah, this exchange went on and on and we chatted it up about taste and texture preferences and even different extraction methods… DON’T JUDGE ME!  But the real issue here, what I really wanna focus on for the sake of this post is anxiety.

Anxiety is a bitch!  No for real tho, that shit cray and its something that I’ve always dealt with on some level, even in childhood.  And I suspect that most women have or have had or will have their own experience with Miss Anxiety at one point or another in their life.  Just keep living, you’ll see.  And if you’ll indulge me for a min I’mma write about my own personal experiences…from my point of view.

*Please note that while I am a counselor by trade and have been trained in various therapies, this is not that kind of post.  This is in no way intended to be taken as professional therapeutic advice; these are my thoughts ONLY and this is my blog where I express myself, so don’t pull it* 

Anxiety defined is a state of inner turmoil, often accompanied by nervous behaviors stemming from thoughts of things that are unlikely to happen.  There is a difference between fear and anxiety, and for this post, I’mma be focusing on anxiety AKA how all women think and feel at any given moment in time.  The good ol’ Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders AKA the DSM-V outlines the qualifiers for a diagnosis of an anxiety-related disorder is having this mood (because anxiety is a mood yall) ‘more often than not for at least 6 months’.  But enough about alla that bullshit, I know I’m smart and all but I’mma just give it to you straight:  I believe that anxiety is like the number one problem in a lot of womens today.  Statistically, women are twice as likely to be diagnosed with some form of an anxiety disorder, which is a whole nother issue for a different post, but this is based on some kind of trend.  But what’s more troubling is how misunderstood this whole thing is and how ppl just gloss over the shit and try to call it something it’s not.  Or, even worse, try to label somebody as ‘crazy’ because they fail to want to understand the complexity of this whole thing. 

Now chial, don’t get it twisted, this is not a free pass to just go ape shit and just do whatever because you’re being irrational as hell.  After all, the first step is admitting you have a problem.  Personally, I think that since women are wired differently from men and are much more expressive we tend to get this label.  And if it’s one thing I don’t like it’s being labeled yall.  So tack onto that a few personality traits…introversion over extroversion…thinking over sensing…and what you have is a potential shit storm that brews with every irrational ass thought.

So getting back to me; lately as in the past several months I’ve been experiencing this shit ‘more often than not’ for obvious reasons.  And while my current state of affairs make this totally understandable and I can totally identify just how re-damn-diculous I’m being, still I have to remember one thing.  I’m human.  So even if I am able to logically recognize this shit it doesn’t mean that I can totally prevent the shit from happening, and that’s a perfectly normal human response.  It’s fight or flight yall.  My normal m.o. is to retreat totally when this shit happens.  But right now I don’t have that option, and that’s probably a good thing.  So, I have to find ways to deal as best I can.

Pills?  Done a lot of them…they don’t ‘fix’ or ‘cure’ the problem, but if you’re lucky they may numb you for a period of time for some temporary relief.  Meditation?  maybe…but if you’re already so cerebral alla time then it’s gonna be damn near impossible for you to slow down to really be effective with alla that mindfulness bullshit (ok its not total bs and it probably would be helpful).  Therapy?  The fact that I am a therapist and I don’t totally subscribe to therapy alla time for myself is… but no for real in order to be successful in any type of therapy/counseling or whatever you have to have a good relationship with your therapist, which is hard for me cuz I’m so critical and I end up manipulating them cuz I know all they tricks and shit.  Chial I’ve gone through 2 already in less than a year.  (0_0)

So what to do…what to do…hmmmmm…

This brings me back to the conversation between Mary Jane and ChocolateTY.  Remember when times were simpler?  More carefree?  You aint have no responsibility and you could actually afford to just have a whole period of time of not giving a fuck?  Yeah me either but still…  “weed.BROWNIES.yo” nuff said.  Sometimes u just need to do some ratchet shit! Cuz after all, Idk abt yall…but I’m nearing the end of my “old enough to know better but young enough to not give a fuck” part of my life.

Brownies

This recipe will make fudgy brownies and I like it because it’s simple and you don’t have to melt chocolate over a double boiler.

Ingredients 

  • 1 c sugar
  • 1 c dark brown sugar
  • 1 stick melted butter
  • 1/2 c flour
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 2 tsp vanilla
  • 1 1/2 c cocoa powder
  • 4 eggs

Preheat the oven to 300ºF

Spray a small brownie pan with cooking spray

In a large bowl, beat the eggs until they are all combined.  Make sure the melted butter is cooled and mix it in with the eggs.  Add both the sugars and the vanilla.  The consistency won’t be like runny liquid like a cake batter would, or at least it shouldn’t be.

Mix in the flour and the cocoa powder, no need to sift them together or anything.

***If you want to add anything else to your brownies, you should coat whatever it is you wanna add in the flour really well before you add whatever it is…Ijs…***

Spread them in the pan and bake for about 45 mins.  You are cooking them really low, so that’s why it takes this long.  Check to make sure the center is set for doneness and allow them to cool before you eat them.

Enjoy!

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