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It’s Messy Monday yall!!!!

What is Messy Monday?  It is the day that the Lord hath made, for me to be messy and be glad in it. 😉

No for real I’mma start just blogging abt messy shit, situations and people that seem to make their way into my life on Mondays.  Just something to keep me consistent with the blogging is all.  Now on to today’s tale:

Gel Nails…

GEL NAILS!!!

What are gel nails, you may wonder?

If you don’t know, peep the youtube video below:

Kind of complicated, right?  Oh, the things we women have to do for beauty…

But I bring this up because I wanna tell yall a story…a messy story yall.

So…I went out with this “man” (and I do use this term loosely here).  He was a biological man yall but i digress…

As we were in the car I noticed a sheen on his nails.  I had already noticed that his hands were softer than mine, so I figured it was just clear nail polish since obviously he gets regular manicures.  But what the hell I thought I’d ask.  And the conversation went something like this:

Me: “Is that clear polish on your nails?”

John Coffey: “Nawl this the gel shit.”

Me: “Um…I don’t know how I feel about that…I don’t think I like it.”

Coffey: “Well that’s too fuckin bad…you just mad cuz my hands look better than yours.”

Nigga what?!?!?! 

I aint know what to say or how to feel after this, but all I could do was literally look at this big black ass burly ass “man” with big black man hands with gel polish on them in utter disbelief!

Pure. Phuckery.

Let me give yall a little back story on some of the other flaming red flags from this particular day.

When I was talmbout Dutchess, he mentioned that he wanted a little dog, but that it was “gay.”

Nigga, do what???

So, just so I’m clear here… You mean to tell me that on your space-time continuum on shit that’s “gay” you think having a small house dog is too “gay” for you, but gel nails are ok tho? Oh, ok.

But it gets worse yall.

As he noticed my black neoprene Michael Kors bag, he was all like “yeah I got my ex-girl one of those but hers was shiny I like yours better.”

OMFG I cannot yall!!!!!

Chial Miss Elle Woods in Legally Blonde taught us all that only gay mens know designers.  Just to prove my point, I asked one of the men in the class I TA on the Alexandria campus what type of purse I had and his response was, “a black one.”

I rest my case.

Maybe yall don’t hear me tho…in order to get gel nails down to da nail shop you have to really put in some time and effort.

First after you get your standard manicure, May Lee has to file and buff your nails and push your cuticles back.  Then she gotta put the primer on.  Then she gotta put the base coat on. Then you sit under the uv light.  Then she gotta put a coat of gel polish on.  You sit under the uv light.  She put another coat of polish on.  You stick your big black ass burly man hands back under that uv light.  Then finally she put the top coat on.  Back under the uv light you go.  Then, after your shit is set, she shine yo shit up with alcohol and you are free to go.

So yeah gel nails are deliberate.  This nigga deliberately vexed my spirit and my attitudes about dating…men…from Ohio.

The moral of the story is… Niggas who live in clear gel nail houses shouldn’t throw shade.  Ever. In life.

Simple Burbon Marinade 

Since we don’t wanna get our hands too dirty and Lord knows we don’t wanna mess up our gel nails I thought I’d keep it as basic as possible.

Ingredients

  • 1/4 c Makers Mark (any type of bourbon will do here)
  • 1/4 c soy sauce
  • 1/4 c dry mustard
  • 1/4 c dark brown sugar (you can use light here too)
  • 2 tbsp crushed red pepper flakes (optional)
  • 1/4 tsp garlic powder
  • 1 sweet onion, grated
  • dash of Worcestershire sauce

Whisk all of the ingredients together thoroughly.  Refrigerate in an air tight container or zipper bag.

This is great on salmon and other fish/seafood!

Enjoy!

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