, ,

…or any other woman with the mentality of ’30-something & ticking’…and pretty much all depictions of black women we have on television right now for that matter.

SN: I had been toying with this post for a few weeks now.  And another blog that I follow, Black Girls Are EAsy posted this hilarious post today “Weak Bitch Ways“.  Please do go and check it out because it’s like the realist ish ever.

But anyhoe doe…

Shows like Being Mary Jane and Scandal and pretty much all reality shows that we have on air right now is that they are depicting a very troublesome image.

Nobody values self-esteem anymore.  I’m not talmbout the superficial feeling of superiority that one deludes themselves into believing based on the acquisition of tangible things or status.  The real self-esteem that stems from a person’s psychological state.  In order to have a good and healthy self esteem you must first know your worth, and acknowledge your feelings while not allowing the latter dictate the former.  If you don’t believe that you are worthy on your own, without all of your possessions or without the letters in front of or behind your name, then you should probably take some time to do some true psychological recon.

Ok now getting back to Mary Jane.  I can’t think of a better example on television right now of a broken person.  Here you have this ‘successful’ woman who is miserable because she doesn’t have a man and a family.  She’s presumably well-educated, pretty by most standards, and has a nice career.  So by these superficial standards she holds herself in high esteem and the challenges that she seems to keep facing are the result of external factors: “aint no more good black men left” or “all the good ones either gay or married” or “he’s intimidated by my success” etc.  Instead of addressing the gaping holes that she carries she’d rather focus on her career, or shop, or screw random dudes,  you get the point?

If, Miss Jane was more of a whole person, then she’d realize that having a family is not just something else you achieve or an accessory for your otherwise ‘I’m every woman’ type of life.  It’s not about being able to put more letters in front of your name, or going on couples trips, or having somebody make you feel good and complete.  Perhaps she would begin to realize the beauty in the ministry of marriage and start to think about how she can give of herself in order to bring forth a greater legacy.  Oh, wait, nawl that aint right.  She aint that deep, my bad.  If her self esteem was where it needed to be, then she wouldn’t settle for anything less than what she’s worth.  She wouldn’t screw married mens in gym showers, or be up for some consensual sex with ‘never answer’ in hopes that it would lead to the rekindling of a relationship, or she wouldn’t have the most degrading discussion ever regarding the particulars of her sleeping with this woman’s husband.  That whole conversation was the educated version of ‘let me smell your dick’ and yall know I’m right.

Bottom line: you get what you attract, you can only attract what you are, and if you’re broken, and refuse to even acknowledge this let alone do the necessary work to try and mend your brokenness, then guess what happens?  You end up being driven by your feelings, which are also unstable.

These images mirror a lot of what’s going on today with all of these ‘successful’ black (or other) women and the plight of being single.  But herein lies the danger.  As long as you’re properly credentialed, you can forego any type of real meaningful work on your spirit or soul.  Instead, you can do ratchet shit and it can be justified.  What’s the difference in this type of behavior and the people that end up on Maury?  Class.

But that’s a whole nother blog entry for a different day.

French Cheesecake

I’ve been working on perfecting a few recipes lately, this being one of them.  The difference between French Cheesecake an traditional cheesecake is that French cheesecake is lighter, almost like mouse.  I enjoy this better than regular cheesecake.  Sometimes you don’t want all that heavy shit.  But I can’t say that I’ve got it totally down yet, but this is pretty close.


  • 4 boxes of Neufchatel cheese (lighter and no fat than reg cream cheese)- at room temperature
  • 1 package (3 oz.) unflavored gelatin
  • 1 c sugar
  • 1 c whipped cream
  • 1/4 tsp lemon juice or lemon zest
  • 1 tsp vanilla flavoring

For the graham cracker crust: 

  • 2 cups graham cracker crumbs
  • 1 tsp cinnamon
  • 1 tsp nutmeg
  • 1/4 c sugar
  • 6 tbsp melted butter

Mix all of the ingredients for the crust in a bowl and spread them into a deep dish pie pan.  Refrigerate for at least 30 mins in order for it to set.

Mix the Neufchatel and the sugar in a bowl together with an electric mixer until smooth and creamy.  You want to try and get all of the lumps out, so the mixer should probably be on the highest speed.

Add the dry gelatin, lemon juice and vanilla and mix until combined.  Fold in the whipped cream being careful not to over-mix it to maintain fluffiness.

Spoon the mixture over the prepared crust and refrigerate for at least 4 hours for the flavors to come together.  You can top with whatever you want (I usually do strawberries), but it’s good enough to eat on it’s own.