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I feel like there’s so much I wanna tell y’all!  I guess I’ll try to start at the end and work my way backwards…since that’s how I used to read books when I was a kid.

So guess what I’ve been up to for almost the past year?  I’ve been doing hospice counseling.

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Yup. Hospice. Counseling.  I know right!  Like, wtf!?!?!  Of course I didn’t plan on it y’all I was tricked!  I was supposed to be doing work with the substance use/mental illness population but then that situation kind of went to hell in a handbasket and this ‘opportunity’ presented itself to me.  Mind you, it was grossly misrepresented to me (I was told that there would be opportunities for research), but it paid me a little coint and it’s rare that we get paid internships in my program…despite the fact that everyone has a Master’s degree already…and many of us are already licensed, but ok girl.

That’s another thing: I don’t know if I was like this last year or if it was as bad, but I’ve developed a habit of referring to all persons places and things as ‘girl’.  So…yeah…

But anyhoe doe…this heffa slipped me the okey-doke.  So I had to fulfill the contractual obligation to this hellhole which is finally over!

#gorillapraise

So in light of the year I’ve had (this was just the tip of the iceberg, trust), I’m going to try and make a more concerted effort to Pollyanna this shit up so here goes:  Being that I was forced to talk about death and dying with my patients all day, I was also forced to reflect on my own experiences, and at least acknowledge with my grief.  In hindsight, I know I probably wouldn’t have done this otherwise, or at least it wouldn’t have been in this much depth.  So, I was forced to confront my own issues and work through them, which is hard af.  But, at some point I guess I gotta grow up, right?

Funny thing is that I actually enjoyed working with my patients.  Yes the sessions were sometimes long (over 2 hours) and very emotional for them, and emotionally draining for me, but I got so much fulfillment from doing this work.  It’s just that I wasn’t getting anything else- professional development, support, or most importantly- the damn research opportunities that I was promised! I already know how to be a therapist, and although I’m appreciative of the little bit of coint they paid me it was unsubstantial at best so I have to move on.  I didn’t go to school to get a whole Ph.D. to be doing shit I coulda done with a Bachelor’s, hell really a HS Diploma.

So I know everything happens for a reason and I’m grateful for this experience, but I’m also grateful to move tf on with my life and leave this state of indentured servitude that I’ve been in.  I’m ready to get back to adulting again- I think.  I have to say tho that I kind of feel like I forgot how to adult though and I’m actually slightly anxious about making my re-entry into the ‘real world’.  It’s like, when you’ve been so beaten down for a period that you have to slowly but surely get back to the bad bish that you used to be before they tried to take that away from you.

So I’m starting a new job and I’m not that thrilled about it.  But we’ll see. #optimism

Crown Apple barbecue sauce

Cuz hell, why not?

So I made ribs the other night and got a little bit of my life. Since I’ve been on this crown apple kick lately I figured what the hell? This sauce gave me exactly what I needed.

Ingredients

  • 1 6oz can tomato paste
  • 1/2 c Apple cider vinegar
  • 1 c water
  • 1 c crown royal regal Apple whiskey
  • 1/2 c dark brown sugar
  • 1/3 c sugar
  • 2 tbsp lemon juice
  • 3 tbsp ground mustard
  • 2 tbsp fresh ground black pepper
  • 2 tbsp onion powder
  • 2 tbsp garlic powder
  • 1 tbsp worscheshire sauce
  • Crushed red pepper flakes to taste
  • Pinch of salt

Mix all of the ingredients in a pot and bring to a boil. Reduce the heat and simmer for about an hour. Allow to cool (it’s best refrigerated overnight). Slather it on some ribs and enjoy!

My brother called me a coon for this rib picture lol!

  

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